I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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