take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
