Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
