can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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