and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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