Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
