is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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