Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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