You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
