He is an equal opportunity slut.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
