And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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