Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
