Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
