you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
