you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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