Acid is not a monday night drug
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
