I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I stole a fireplace last night.
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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