The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
