WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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