Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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