it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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