One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
