the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
