Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
