Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
