I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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