I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
