how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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