Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
