good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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