My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
