I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
