I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
