I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
