Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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