they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
