he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
