You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
