Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
