I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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