just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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