I hate your face
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
