Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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