I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he thought i was a dude.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
