He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
