So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
