this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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