I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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