every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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