you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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