Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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