$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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