I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
