You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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