I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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