I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry about my life...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
