Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
