My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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