All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
