Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
