I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
