The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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