I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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