After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
