New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
