God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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