My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
