What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my shit smells like andre
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
