and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can't turn off my feet"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
